its just me

i am going to smile now that i went on a mad rant and some of my peeps think i went a little far, so i am not apologizing for what i believe and the pure facts of what is at hand, but just remember when you see the guy with tattoos and his fly rod, he just might know a thing or two about have lots of fun while fishing.

echoing a life to others

I hold a cinder of burning coal in my heart to share. This curriculum is found written in the pain, trials, passion, fears, joy, failures and life of my existence. Only once composed never repeated, forever lost to men when my season ends. My heart craves to share a bigger truth, cut you to the marrow of your soul, driving words deep into your inner most being. Tell you hard truths causing you to reflect, cast vision upon areas you fear to tread, bestow upon you tools and weapons for a mighty task. “That in hope,” will give direction when lost, comfort in pain, purpose in failure and meaning in doubt. Do not be average, hasten to be your self, true to your calling, fear not for you are young and the way will be hard, yet so beautiful in many ways untold. Do I have all the answers for your life this day, if what I share is folly and lacks wisdom, then I relinquish from my task. For I don’t have all the answers, I grope for more, amassing information of this path I have walked. I want to remain teachable in every way, yet firm on all that I hold as truth. I want you to walk in a life of challenging hardships, trails that test your character to the limit and shun from self destructive decisions that destroy the mind, soul and body. The past few days I have been speaking to the freshman at a local high school about drugs, alcohol and life decisions. This is a passion of mine that I have been doing sense I was 18 traveling to speak at different schools and youth programs. To share my life testimony in hopes to inspire change or direction to at least one kid in a positive manner. I am limited by law and statutes on topic and harshness of my message, but in some atmospheres and formats I can express deeper issues of life. Focusing on being real and transparent has been my means of attack and success for reaching youth for the past ten years. This is life with purpose beyond measure when weighted against trivial things such as guiding, fishing, surfing, climbing and the other vocations in my life. There is no substitute for this kind of work; it’s relevant yet humbling, inspirational but futile as the message can falls on deaf ears. The mystery at hand is where these young adults will end up as they grow into an image of there decisions and reactions to life’s trialing surprises. I leave you with this, take responsibility for your own actions in a culture and country that allows you to blame the other for your response, have the courage to own each of your achievements and faults, do not fear failure for it to is an enriching experience.

Awaken solitude in the deeps of who we are. Its 6 am and the winter moon is still high in the clear vast sky, waiting for her shift to end, as the over powering sun makes haste for the dawning horizon. Its time to be alone, still, quiet, meditative, the rolling farm hills lie vacant, void of any presents, the howling winds of the evening storm blew a blank canvas for me. To forge my own passage through this abstract terrain of drifts, hills and forest, I notice every sound I can, the crushing of snow, song birds in the thickets, the drone of cattle far off, the whisper of my mind telling me to take it easy, you’re not healed up. I need this time alone I spend my days serving others, maintaining guide status with clients, this month has been very hard, with both my wife and I out of work and money almost gone, I can be distracted by unpaid bills and circumstances out of my control, but I must focus. It’s this moment that matters, each breath I take, feeling the cold air in my lungs, wanting to push my body to exhaustion, frustrated having to hold back, it’s not who I am to hold back, but I have no choice. Each passing moment I can never repeat, Time marches on with out the counsel of man, regardless for individuals fleeting moments. Just to freeze a sunrise, relish a victory, ride that wave further, cherish that loved ones last day, hold to this vapor, a passing shadow is life, this world racing by faster then once thought, in vane of my youth. Nothing with breath will live for ever, that includes you and me, strive for the stars, obtain what comes, be content in all things, fight for valid dreams. Seek solitude for a season, the glamour of this world and safety of others does not contain all thee answers, nor will you ask the right questions among the masses, be afraid and bold at the same time. The beauty of this morning is gone, my time spent till right now, its midday with lots of emails and PR stuff to do, in hopes it will stir up business on the river, but the day is better because I took a moment to get away and Listen.

first day back on the water

yesterday was my first day back on the water sense i re-busted my shoulder, not gonna lie the day was very hard to get through, i took 7 advil during the trip and that seemed to thin my blood out, making me crazy cold all day. It was bitter sweet for me, the pain was a constant reminder of how blessed i am to be guiding and how short lived my future is going to be as a guide. I love the smell and stillness of the river in the snow, when at anchor the light gush of water singing past my oars and anchor line, only to be silenced as we pull anchor. floating on to another spot, listing to the sound of stillness, hearts filled with anticipation of the day. Watching the bald eagle as she soars down river disappearing into the heavy, yet melodic falling veil of snow. This is a common winter day of guiding for me, as a front came in with a changing low that pushed the fish to the bottom, High water from snow melt the week before, two passionate anglers knowing and hoping there guide wont fail to put them on fish and a guide that loves his job even if he cant make ends meet any longer doing it, "theirs nothing else i am to far in to quit". I guide for my clients now, i love them as friends, i pray for there families, that there business and jobs would be blessed, that a wife would not die of cancer, for there son fighting in Iraq, or the advice one might give me to make me a better husband or guide. this is why and only why i can quit till God shuts the door, trust me being a guide for this kid is not all fun and games, its life, purpose, humbling, passion and work. We got one fish yesterday just before snow fall, a 7lb atlantic salmon in the upper river, we all hoped for more, but we must remember that this day, was the day we were given and it was good. Its healthy not to get what we want all the time, it makes us adjust our perspective if we dare, its so easy to see the negative over the positive, i am guilty of doing that to often are you.